Tonight I just returned from a date with my husband. The occasion? Today is not only the National Holiday in the U.S., but it also marks 10 years of my personal independence.
10 years since I took the biggest leap of faith of my life and said yes to love.
10 years since I boarded a place with a one-way ticket destined for Switzerland.
10 years since I asked the Holy Spirit to lead me where my trust is without borders.
10 years where at times I was on God’s threshing floor for so long I thought I would break.
10 years of being stretched, pushed, crushed.
10 years of seeing God’s utter goodness and undeserved grace.
10 years of experiencing how God has proven over and over His provision and been my portion.
10 years of being made holy through my marriage.
10 years of choosing the love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend, the father of my children.
8 years since I obtained a B2 proficiency level of German.
6.5 years since I birthed our first child and entered the indescribable world of motherhood.
5 years since my American nursing degree was recognized by the Swiss Red Cross.
4 years since I left the workplace and birthed our second child; 15 months since our third has come along.
And many more life milestones and life lessons I hope to post about another time.
I have no idea where I would otherwise be in this world and in life, had I not trusted God wide eyed and like a child. Looking back, I wonder who I was then and amazed at the faith I was given. Would I recommend to others the route we took? Of course not. For 23 years I lived under the same roof, I had very little German knowledge, even less to show for in my bank account, a new grad with zero work experience. My then soon-to-be- husband a student. I would only advise someone to trust God with all their heart and always choose the path that causes one to trust God the most. Would I do it all over again? Do I have regrets? If I were to be honest, at my lowest points I seriously rejected the place I was in.
I wished to return to the point in my life when it was “easy.”
Four months after arriving in Switzerland I finally landed a job interview. On my last day of orientation I found myself in the nurses’ station, crippled by a panic attack and breathing in a brown bag. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the job.
I experienced the blatant discrimination, hate and verbal abuse from a boss, coworkers, and patients for my nationality, being a foreigner, for my accent and limited language skills.
On a really bad day I thought sinking to the bottom of the Rhein would be the solution to my pain.
I’ve had homesickness to the point of being physically ill; loneliness and paralyzing anxiety that would scream through my subconscious and dreams.
I experienced rejection and great disappointment when the Swiss Red Cross did not recognize my BSN.
I’ve compared myself to friends on social media, posting pictures of sunsets and the southern California lifestyle.
I’ve longed to attend my home church retreats for young adults- heck even a Sunday service in English.
I’ve missed way too many holidays, birthdays, and life events of loved ones back home.
I’ve been shaken so hard I wondered if the foundation would crumble.
Despite all these trials and hardships, however, I am convinced the woman I was 10 years ago would not have learned the lessons of humility and love had I stayed in my home town. The walk with God has been wrestling before Him on the floor, praying to Him in the secret, worshipping Him in the night hours, being healed of anxieties and fears and continually cleansed the cares of this world. The winds have blown and storms have beaten against this house, but it really is true- the foundation built on Jesus and God’s word will surely withstand.
And besides faith, admittedly very little at times, in a faithful heavenly Father Who is unrelenting in His pursuit of my heart, I have had the tremendous honor to walk alongside my life partner, who is also unwavering in his love and commitment to me.
So here is to many more years living as a foreigner in strange land I’ve come to know and love as my home away from home!