To My Husband

Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our 3rd  wedding anniversary. We stayed low-key while running last minute errands and walking through the inner city on an bitter-cold autumn day. We enjoyed roasted chestnuts while talking about everything from our excitement in meeting our unborn child, the shocking turn of events in the US election, the joy of our future, our gratitude in how our marriage continues to grow as well as our understanding of one another. I thought I would post a letter to my husband which I wrote on our first anniversary.

November 9, 2014

To my husband

Before I was married, I had heard from a few married women that marriage is not meant to make one happy.

Marriage is meant to make you holy.

I had no idea both the joy and the pain I would experience in marriage- the continual process of being made holy.

Being married has really changed the way I see the world, changed my understanding of family, of selflessness, of communication, of purity, of even marriage itself, of Jesus and His church.

When I came to know Jesus, I sincerely wanted only His best plans for my life. Sometimes in order to give me that desire of my heart, He needed to take away some things I thought I needed, some relationships that were unfruitful. In all that pain and many nights of loneliness, I trusted Him and experienced His goodness- the indescribable joy in the secret of His presence.

I knew I would get married some day, but it couldn’t be any ordinary “good” guy.

The Lord promises He will give us the desires of our hearts when we delight in Him. His goodness to me meant fulfilling His promise to me. I was 17 years old in Mexico when He spoke so clearly to me, that the man He was preparing for me “will cherish you and love you; he will encourage your passions and not discourage you.” I had often also prayed that he would be a man who isn’t afraid to take risks for the Kingdom of God.

Marrying a woman you saw every six months, who is 40,000 dollars in debt, and taking her to be your wife for life….was indeed a great risk.

Years of wrestling with doing God’s will, longing for His best, longing for friendship was all worth it, because I believe I am experiencing His goodness.

God’s goodness meant that serving Him with all my heart would lead me to a man who was doing the same. God’s goodness meant you would be my husband. His goodness meant spending my life learning the joy and discipline of laying it down. His goodness meant that I would have a husband who rises above, who doesn’t settle, who takes initiative, who protects my heart. Simply, a husband who seeks to love his wife as Jesus loves His bride.

You are a man who has dreams of chasing bad guys and driving fast and luxurious cars, a man who is merciful, a man who’s face I am excited to see every morning. You see the hardship and adjustment I’ve faced of leaving my family and home to live as a foreigner, and you understand the times when I feel I can’t go on. You have been there to encourage, to bring life-giving words, and to build me up. When others had their doubts, you believed in me and encouraged me to never give up pursuing nursing or learning German or even loving people who have hurt me.

You lead by striving for excellence and by being a servant. You are unwavering and faithful not only to me, but also to your ministries and responsibilities. You lovingly correct me, when I complain or am in a bad mood. You forgive me my past, my faults and careless words. Even though its uncomfortable and I’m offended sometimes, you say those things in order that I may be more like Jesus.

Marriage is a process in which we are made holy- it’s painful and messy, and some don’t trust the process and they quit. But when we become more and more like Jesus- I think that is a successful marriage. I know I couldn’t be who the Lord wants me to be without having moved to Switzerland and becoming a wife.

Thank you for giving me joy of getting to know your heart, Raphi, the privilege of serving you, and honor of being your wife. Here’s to not merely surviving our first year of marriage, but flourishing together, being in awe of God’s providence, forgiveness, love, and faithfulness.

I love you.

Your wife,

Desirae